well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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