I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
