...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
