I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize