Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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