We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
