i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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