This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
