I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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