i can't believe i had my finger in that
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
