I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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