Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
