mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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