Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I will be naked everywhere
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
