wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm bleeding and have questions
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