this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Barsexuality is the new black.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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