He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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