I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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