Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
