Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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