No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
