Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
