At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
