i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We left the knife in your bed.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
