People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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