you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
