saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
