It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize