...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
