I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
