don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I cut my penus on the lid.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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