Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize