So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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