omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
