dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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