God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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