I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
