I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
