just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The best revenge is premature balding
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
