farters have to be the big spoon...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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