Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
