i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the day after is always just damage control
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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