I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If I die, sorry about rent.
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