Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize