I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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