My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
