were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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