actually, I'm a sock model
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
