also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
