AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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