I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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