New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ketchup is God's man juice
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
