could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
