Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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