we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
