DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize