he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
