He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
