Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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