TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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