Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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