One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
