you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize