I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
