My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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