my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Randomize
