i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize