she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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