David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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