upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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