he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
