I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
