I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
