When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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