Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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