let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
