If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize