She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
