so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
