is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
