I should be sponsored by Trojan
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
