god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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