nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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