question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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