I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
