if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
