Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
