life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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