This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
