Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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