So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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