I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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