Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
