I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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