sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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