Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
