yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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