I CAN MOONWALK!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
