I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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