then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize