Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
