Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize