there's paper in my vomit.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
