I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
