I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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