Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
