i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize