So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
