I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
