I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I could fuck to npr.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
