I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
