I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
