I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
