I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
