i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
