Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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