I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
