Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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