I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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